There are so many beginnings and so many endings in this story.

The beginning of joy and the end of sorrow, or the beginning of pain and the end or happiness.

Not joy. But happiness. Because that is what’s temporary.

I can go every day and say that I am joyful, that’s not a lie and that’s not a difficult thing to say. But to speak of happiness, hurts. Because it has long since fled from me, it hides in the shadows of my mind and occasionally it comes out to see the light once again. However, it’s quick to disappear.

It can disappear with one action, one word, and only a few know how to build it back up within a matter of seconds, and I’ll keep those people forever.

See the thing is though, my heart doesn’t break for my own, it breaks for others, or the thought that they might have to go through what I had to go through; and that’s what hurts.

But all is well. Maybe one day I’ll figure out what eats me alive from the inside. Maybe one day I’ll be able to pinpoint it out on a map and help people with this same problem. I don’t mind the suffering though, it means I’m alive. And what more could I ask for than to live this life full of adventure?

There is so much to do, so many people to impact and so many people to be impacted by. So much love to give, and so much love to receive.

“One day I’ll find my purpose, but until then I will wander. I will wander freely and without limitation.”

Beauty in the Ashes

For you can not see the sunrise without the darkness.
Nor can you feel joy with out sorrow.
Or a brokenness without having been whole.

For you can not enjoy a peace that rises above all fear without having felt torment.
Nor can you realize what love is without having been rejected.
Or the sensation of being full without being empty.

But the great thing is, that we all have felt these emotions, whither it has been for a second or what we deem as “a lifetime”.
And that’s a reminder that better is yet to come.

Just as a rose has to go through thorns for its beauty to be seen.
Or the baby blue sky is clear after the storm,
I will be made whole in my brokenness, and I will be happy, loved, and at peace.

21 Life Truths

1) You are stronger than you realize.
2. You are crueller than you realize.
3. The smallest words will break your heart.
4. You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
5. People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
6. You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
7. You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
8. You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
9. Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
10. Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
11. You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
12. Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
13. You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
14. Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
15. You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
16. You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
17. You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
18. Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
19. People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
20. You will be okay.
21. You will be okay.

{I did not write this; credit to ohthativy.tumblr.com}

Typical Love Song

I seem to find myself amazed at the thought of love, or loving someone, or loving something eternal, because it doesn’t seem true. Love seems like something that we would wait for, for an eternity but we could never reach it; but that’s a lie.
We have love at our fingertips, we can find it in the midst of destruction or in the face of a child. It could be as close as the clothes on your skin but feel as distant as the stars.
But it’s an enchanting thing, oh yes it is. The fact that it is something that so many people write about with an empty heart and an empty mind but try and put into words the feelings and desires that this intense passion can create. The fact that people try to grasp the concept of it in its entirety and place it on paper for others to have the chance at even getting a glimpse of it.
That’s what makes it beautiful.
People can only attempt to describe love and the wondrous things that it does, but in reality, we haven’t even grazed the surface of it.